If you only show up when it’s perfect, you’re not really showing up

My anthem for this coming summer? “We Outside” by Flagboy Giz. 

Is it because I’m gonna be hot-girl-walking all over Paris? Nah. Well maybe a teenchie weenchie bit, but no, that’s not why.

It’s because I’m showing up and sharing about Soft Sundae and my studio’s offerings all year round and forevermore thereafter. 

As long as I’ve been in business, I always believed that I needed to have all my ducks in a row before sharing about my business and what I do. And there’s a few times where that worked out for me. But where that mindset fell short and left me in a bit of a pickle was around 2020 when almost every year after I pivoted in my business. I did each pivot up to Soft Sundae (and there were a-plenty) super quietly and every time I decided I was ready to present that new version of my business, less and less people cared or reacted.

It was jarring af for my audience to annually see a whole new business drastically different from the one before. And nobody has time for that. So interest faded too.

That’s why I’m showing up right now as I type in my virtual Soft Sundae studio imperfect and absolutely unfinished. I want to make sure to take you along the ride. To witness all the changes as they’re happening. To witness my growth.

So when I say “We Outside” it means that I’m here showing up even though I’m in the messy middle.

WHERE THE UNFINISHED DWELLS

Liminal space. Gen Z is lowkey obsessed. What is it? It’s described in this Frontiers in Psychology article here:

“The liminal space is a semipermeable reality between where we have enough stability to retain a sense of self without threat of chaos and disintegration, and—at the same time—enough openness to the un-narrated outside and its endless possibilities."

LIminal space is also know as the imaginal realm, a concept propagated by Islamic thinkers millenia ago. It’s a place we visit when I lead visualization experiences in my 1:1 client work. 

And when we’re in that vulnerable space, the last thing we want to do is be seen. We’re going through something. We’re downloading deeper understanding otherwise unavailable in the material world. And it can feel like when you’re taking your time downloading and integrating–AKA growing as a human–it’s just too jarring to focus on being visible at the same time. 

You’re experiencing something like “Wait! One more download! Just a lil’ more time for integration!” or “I promise, you’ll be wayyyy more impressed with the new version of me downloading!”

Ideas like liminal space and the dark night of the soul used to freak me out. And I think this is the case because I only learned what they were as I was actually going through those phases. It felt like I missed an important meeting or something. Like how could I be going through this and not have the terminology yet to name it. This was pre-pandemmy life.

And now? Liminal space is my jam. Dark night of the soul? Let’s chat about it. Cos honey I’ve climbed the walls of the slippery deep caves and patiently bade my time to get here. Here? Where? Well, first of all, out of that damned depressing night-soul cave thingy. That’s for damned sure. 

And here as in in a place where I am comfortable taking up space as myself. Even in the moments where I’m actually uncomfortable, I’m acknowledging that discomfort and nurturing my nervous system towards flexing and finding a way that works better for me. 

See life isn’t about waiting until you’re comfortable or waiting ‘til you’re confident enough. It’s about living and being in a way that feels most aligned to how you wanna show up right now. And honestly there’s a lot of discomfort in that. 

Hence me waiting until the pivots were complete before sharing them. I didn’t want the discomfort of being percieved when I wasn’t a finished product. It’s like not wanting to leave the house unless you have makeup on. Ya know?

WHY IT MATTERS

It matters to show up as you are. As your unfinished, work-in-progress self. Because when else are you gonna show up? In the casket when you’re all made up and placed perfectly with ya hands across ya chest? Be so for real! 

It’s time to get outside without the makeup on. To dare to be perceived in the messy middle. While you’re navigating liminal space getting all the downloads. Because if you’re not in the messy middle where are you anyway?

You need to flex those new muscles you gained on your imaginal realm journey. Wait too long and you’ll be on another lil’ liminal journey yet again not expressing yourself. 

John D. Rockefeller said in 1903 that “I don’t want a nation of thinkers. I want a nation of workers.” And you know the reason why: money, power, control. Now is time to be a thinker and express the creative downloads you’re receiving. It’s time for us to move out of being easily controlled workers whose lives are thought of as meaningless.

And if you’re indeed in the messy middle of something creative you’ve been dying to express whether you’re clear on what that thing is or not, go grab my Soft + Sacred Workshop: a mini course for creatives craving clearer self-expression and purpose. Slow down, listen deeper, honor what’s calling you, and reconnect with the version of you that knows the way.

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