BTT EP 3
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[00:00:00] Welcome. Welcome to Between the Tabs, the moodboard podcast, where creativity, growth, business, and the real life happening between it all goes down. I'm your host, Kleidi Jeen, and we're gonna talk about the stuff that lives between work and who you are. And we're gonna do it in four parts. So grab your latte and let's hop into part one.
Now. I am so happy right now. I can freaking kiss a bird on the beak. Something I was literally up late worrying about for like the past week has finally worked itself out. I can't even believe it. I just can't. Whew.
Celebrate. Celebrate. I played an insignificant role, if any in all of this, and still my worries were assuaged. Oh my gosh. I was definitely one of those who was a strong believer in the power of our thoughts [00:01:00] and the universe being able to come together to manifest what we want.
Look, I'm a yoga teacher baby. Like I have been steeped into this kind of worldview very strongly. And it also resonates for me because I am naturally, I don't know what Neurodivergence this has to do with, but I'm naturally a very hopeful person.
I will be on my last string, last whatever, at the bottom of the barrel in a hole. And I will still have hope that I can somehow figure it out. So maybe that plays into it as well, being able to easily believe in that kind of mindset. And I still see articles and books and social media posts too about like how easy it is to manifest and how our reality is simply a mental projection and we can change all of this and it's so easy and, you know, timeline jumping right and all of this kind of thing. But [00:02:00] since 2023 and honestly since 2020, really, I question this kind of dogma very much so like what do you mean that Palestinians can be genocided, like at this point, 75,000 people just, and babies, children as well, and women, men, all of them. Just genocided, like nothing. Congolese people, Sudanese people. Or something like, what do you mean someone? With A DHD can manifest their way out of that diagnosis. Or someone with cancer or someone with an addiction.
Like what do you mean? Someone who's completely unhoused or someone in a domestic violence situation can simply have stronger thoughts and positive thoughts and send them out to the universe and it all will just change. This is the part of that whole manifestation. [00:03:00] Theory, I guess that really makes it hard for me to go with the flow on it.
How can one person all of a sudden manifest these things and another person can't? What do you mean? A friend who's doing her PhD. She was telling me about her reading in her studies as she was preparing for a dissertation that some people had just called Africans who were enslaved.
Just unlucky. They were just unlucky. And there's some that Europeans came over with weapons and warfare and greed on the brain and enslaved them. They were just unlucky. No. So this is where that whole manifest manifestation thing gets murky and gets ridiculous and gets like. No. What it is is proximity to privilege. Proximity to wealth. Proximity to power that helps people [00:04:00] create things in life that they want to do. That helps people create a life, the type of life that they want to live. Let's just be real about that.
I think the thing that's actually the most uncomfortable for me when I think of all of this is how I still kind of believe that when you put those thoughts out into the universe, you can manifest things. It's possible. I still believe in that somewhere inside. To be honest, I am definitely a subscriber to the High Frequency Guru.
I and I listen like every day while I'm working. Even though reality is showing otherwise, like a thousand fold, a million fold even. And I just wanna say it's just really, I don't know, it's like a really hard thing for me to figure out. And I know some people are. Just floating on the manifest manifestation cloud. And some people just don't believe. But here I am, little old me over here. It's just like something that I grapple with quite [00:05:00] often but it's just that, that that slight possibility that the, if you put the positive thoughts out there, then the thing will happen. The universe will take hold. It's intoxicating. Like it's that slight possibility even is intoxicating. And so I don't know from it. For me it's just really weird and really something to think about. But it came up for me because of this thing that just out of the blue worked for me. It finally worked itself out today. And it, yeah, it brought me down back into the manifestation rabbit hole. So would love to know what you think about it.
Where are you on the whole manifestation spectrum? Are you Team Universe has got your back or are you team stark reality proves that this is not possible. I truly wanna know. Truly tell me. Tell me. Send me an email to hello@softsundae.com or shoot me a DM on Instagram at Soft Sundae Studio.
Speak about it. Let me know, like I gotta know [00:06:00] where are you on this? Because I am always grappling about this.
Now that brings us to part two and. I don't know. I'm gonna continue to get a little nerdy on this episode. Episode three, why do we think that the mind is the brain, like only the brain?
Why do we think that? The mind is the body period. And it's not me over here making shit up because I feel some type of way. But this is what some neuroscientists are saying. And when you think of it, it makes sense.
You get many different types of signals, for example, to your gut. You get the butterflies in your stomach, you get that feeling when something's wrong. You get numbness in other parts of the body when you dissociate and you wanna shut down. When trauma is happening, the eyes get heavy to show that you're sleepy.
Your heart races for various reasons. The body and its interaction with its [00:07:00] environment it's the mind. It's how the mind takes place. It's how mental and emotional processes and physiological processes activate, when the body is interacting with the environment that it's in.
And the brain and nervous system being part of the body as well. Right? But the mind is like the whole shebang, and this is why I approach my work somatically. This is why everything I do, every time I work with a person, with a client, to redesign their day-to-day lives, to make it more spacious, to integrate their creativity more when I work with clients to help them navigate boundaries in a way that feels right for them. When I do energetic work with clients with reiki. Everything I do is somatic. It starts in the body and we acknowledge that and we listen to it, and we pay attention, and we look at it and we honor it in my sessions, and this is [00:08:00] how deep transformation takes place, I have clients coming back to me years later, years later, saying that they still use the techniques that we created in our sessions, or they still remember that feeling of lightness, of their shoulders dropping and calm taking over from a session that we had. This is because what we do is from the body, it's somatic, it takes into account the entire being, not just the mind, or even not just the heart but all of it, and this is the way, this is the way I've approached my work, like before a somatic became a popular word before somatic therapy became a popular thing. I was doing this. If you have gone through a yoga training, if you taught yoga, if you really got into it and really embodied it and really became it, you were doing this too.
This is something that yoga has taught, for example, for thousands of years. Okay. And there's so much rich [00:09:00] information that your body is telling you to help you navigate your life with as much ease and insight as possible. And when I do my reiki sessions, that's when it hits the clients the hardest.
That's when the eyes open wide and they really see what's going on. Because after the actual reiki, I give my clients an interpretation of what their body needs to tell them, what messages that their body is sending them.
And sometimes I can make sense of it, and interpret it in a way that logically makes sense. And other times it's something really weird. It's a color, it's a feeling. It's a pain that just comes all of a sudden to a part of the body or a vibe, or an animal. Like I remember one time it was a butterfly for someone and it resonates with them deeply every time.
Even if it doesn't make sense to me, it makes deep sense to them. And that's why the body as a mind theory for me, makes so much more sense than relegating [00:10:00] emotions, creativity, cognition, physical movement, pain, relegating, all of that to just one part of the body, just to the brain.
And so if you ever wanna try out a reiki session with me, you can sign up for system reboot. It's application only, even though it's only it's 120 euros for a session, but even though it's like a lower priced item, we still do an application because. Me practicing reiki with someone who is not ready to receive it is a horrible experience for both of us.
So, yeah, that's why there's an application involved. So you can go to the page, I'll put the link in the show notes here and apply and if you are a fit, we can go ahead and do a system reboot session. It's. Basically a one-off virtual reiki session that helps calm your system, clear the static and helps bring you back to [00:11:00] yourself and gives you lots of insights.
So your next moves come from steadiness and not survival mode. So if you're interested, take a look at the link, learn more, apply.
And now we're in part three, and now I wanna talk about, one thing I like to do to help me make sure that I take care of myself. Even when things are, like, when life is, life is life and things are super busy, this is something I do to make sure that I actually. Take care of myself throughout the day, every day.
It's like my accountability thing, whether it's eating, resting my eyes, or taking a walk or whatever it is I need to do, and this is something I help my clients discover for themselves as well. It's a great delight and it's a hell of a helper for folks with a DHD to stop that spiral to take care of themselves. And so, okay, I'm gonna tell you what this thing is. What this thing is that I do to make sure to take care of myself throughout the day.
Every day [00:12:00] is, a neutral signal.
And what it's about is finding a neutral signal that you associate with whatever it is that you wanna do, several times on a daily basis to make sure you're better cared for, that you're nurtured, your creativity is nurtured. You're staying in who you are and what you're trying to express.
Now finding a neutral signal is all about noticing something you do daily or something that happens daily, possibly several times a day. And the clearest example I have is say you live near an old church and that old church has bells or a bell that tolls several times a day, right? It's a neutral thing, so it's not like scrolling on your phone, which is something that's more weighted, more of something that can sway you one way or another. So again, we're looking for something more neutral. Maybe if you, I don't know, scratch your knee every time you [00:13:00] get stressed out.
Something like that. Just a small signal like that Church bell. So we'll stay with the church belt and say you want to eat a healthy snack several times a day, or what else? You wanna stretch, you want to move your body more throughout the day instead of sitting down all day, you pick one thing, so let's stick with the stretching.
You pick one thing like stretching, and you pop that thing in your mind when the church bell rings. So the bell rings, you pause and you think, oh, that's the bell ringing. And so you stretch. You do it.
And it's all about giving yourself the opportunity to make a different decision and using that one benign, that one neutral thing that happens several times a day like the church Bell. That's a really, clear example I think to, illustrate this.
That bell rings you automatically now [00:14:00] are aware of it. And with that awareness, you're making space in your mental, in your physiological, in your emotional to make a different choice. You've now associated the bell with the stretching and you say, okay, here's that point. I'm gonna stretch. And again, you do it.
And this is something that I've been doing to help me take a break and move my body more throughout the day. I've been sedentary. I said this in another episode. I've been just at the computer sitting still all day for the past year or so as I've been really focusing in on Soft Sundae and making it do what it do, making it be what I want it to be, to turn my vision into a reality.
And so that means lots of time on the computer. And so what I do, my neutral signal that I use is my computer itself. I have an older laptop, so it drains the battery big time, like really quickly. [00:15:00] So what I do is I purposefully work with the, I start off with a full charge. I make sure that it's unplugged while I'm working, purposefully untethered.
And so when the battery gets really low, when it goes into red. I think it takes maybe two hours or so, maybe three hours. Sometimes I just close it. That's my sign. Oh, battery's on red. Close the computer. Tether it up. Go, move. Go take your break and do what feels right for you to take care of yourself.
So it's super simple. I want you, I invite you to explore this like something neutral that you do or that happens around you that you can almost count on to happen like every day or at least several times a week and use that signal. Something that just lasts like a minute or even a second.
It's not something that has to last a long time. The whole point of it is for it to quickly signal in your brain to become aware of that moment so you can open up the moment and give yourself [00:16:00] choice. Okay. Again, this is something that's really, really helpful if you have a DHD and, I got this feedback actually from a client, so it's not something I'm making up or being hopeful about.
It's really helpful. So try it out. So what's gonna be your neutral signal?
And that brings us to part four. I noticed for a moment, just a few days ago, I noticed something. I have grown relationally. I have grown relationally. Now I don't know what that means to you right now.
Maybe you're like, huh? Or I don't know. But what I'm talking about in particular is, oh my God, I used to be a, I'm sorry girl. Like nobody's business. Now I still say I'm sorry, like I was born and raised in England or something, I'm still working on that. But I do say it much less [00:17:00] now. Much less. And I noticed the other day actually when I was cooking food for my family.
I, I made fajitas, my partner bought entrecote, and you know, we live in Paris, we live in France, and entrecote is, like a ribeye steak. So it's a fancier piece to really enjoy on its own. But to my partner's dismay, I had chopped up the entrecote fajita style so the boys, my kids could eat it much easier.
They're not gonna be able to just chomp down on a whole piece of steak, that's not fun for them. So I cut it up to make it fajita style and, what I learned later when the food was ready and I told everybody it was ready, fix the kids their plate.
He was like, what? I wanted a whole steak. Now past me would have vomited, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, like all over the place for 30 minutes or even for an hour. But this me, this more [00:18:00] embodied, relational me, with better boundaries and again, more embodied, relating to others. I calmly noticed.
When I wanted to self-flagellate all over the place with feeling lesser than and feeling sorry for myself and like, oh, I didn't do it right, woe is me. I decided not to. I decided not to, first of all, okay, the fajitas were banging. Let's just put that out there. We tore these things up. My oldest son had seconds, everybody tore it up.
So there is that. But on the relational front, my partner, he never communicated that he wanted that. He assumed that I knew that that's what he wanted, and I'm not a mind reader, and it's not my responsibility to read minds or predict people's behavior or predict people's desires. Okay.
And that's a heavy weight that a lot of people pleasers bear is this constant responsibility of predicting what somebody needs or what somebody's gonna say. And I know this also gets into [00:19:00] neurodiversity with A-U-A-A-U-A-D-H-D and things like that. Anyway, some of us get caught up in that predicting of other people's behaviors and desires and things.
And it's a lot, it's a huge weight and it's a weight that we don't actually need to carry in order to relate to others in an equitable. An equal power sharing way. It's not a responsibility of a healthy relationship. Now, I took the initiative to cook when he was puttering around on the computer.
I made banging fajitas. I'm not a mind reader, so I'm not sorry for anything actually, this is just something I was conditioned to perform.
Alright. And which I have let go of. So anyway, I wanted to share that with you and share how it came along. And it came along with a better understanding of how to navigate the role of culture and the role of conditioning in how we relate to each [00:20:00] other.
How we perceive ourselves as being kind and how we end up saying yes and overcommitting and doing things we think other people want instead of what feels right and balanced and equal in a relationship for us. And so this is exactly what we cover in my workshop. The Good Girl Glitch, and you can sign up for it.
It's a live workshop. It happens only a few times a year. You can sign up for it for just 22 euros at the link that I'm gonna put in the show notes. And don't worry, if you go to it and you see a wait list button instead of a pay for button, that just means. You missed out on the last one, but the next one is coming.
So still put yourself on that wait list because this is something that is really life changing. Some simple practices, some embodiment some somatic techniques to help you get more equal power, sharing and dropping the responsibility of [00:21:00] predicting other people's behavior in your relationships, like it's your responsibility.
So anyway, check that out, and I will meet you next time. We're surfing for dopamine hits between the tabs a k a next Wednesday. Bye.
